I do believe I was abducted by aliens and that they implanted in my nose (near my sinuses since I keep getting sinus headaches) a transmitting device that automatically changes the traffic lights to red as I approach them.
It’s true. It seems like there is an overwhelming majority of traffic lights that change to red as I am coming near, whether there are any other cars on the road or not. A recent trip to the local Wal-Mart this early morning, and trust me, 6:30 on a Saturday morning is pretty close to the same as the middle of the night, just reinforced the theory of an implant.
As I approached at least four of the intersections with traffic lights, the light changed to red making me lose cruising speed, even having to use brakes and then sit idle as my turn eventually came around again. Each time the light changed you would think that there was someone else waiting their turn or at least approaching from the other direction but not at this time of the morning. At this time of the morning there were very few cars on the road and none were on the alternate direction route. In fact, at one light that made me stop, it gave a green to traffic (that wasn’t there) to the right of me for a full cycle, and then it gave a green light to the traffic (that also wasn’t there) to the left of me.
Now that it has me really ready to go, it makes me wait one more turn as it gives a green light to the turn lane coming from the other way. There was one car in the turn lane and he had only just barely arrived when the light turned green for him. It was just an optional turn light that he didn’t even need to make the turn with, but the traffic system seemed to think he needed it above me anyway.
This kind of behavior on the part of an inanimate object such as a traffic light is not just isolated incidents. It happens to me all the time. In fact, when I finally do get an unexpected green light or better yet a string of green lights (3 or 4 at least), I almost get giddy. I thank the heavens for this grand and marvelous gift.
My wife thinks that I am just focusing on the negative and that the traffic lights do that to everyone. She may be right. In fact, I have started to notice that this phenomenon is not just happening to me but is catching a few others as well.
Sometimes I will be sitting at a light with not another soul to be seen, waiting for it to turn green, when I notice another car approaching on the line that has the green light, and secretly I hope that they also have the implant so that their approach will change their green light to red giving my light the chance to go green again. This is sad to admit, because I really don’t want this to happen to anyone else, but I am secretly happy that it does because it finally gives me a chance to go again.
These intersections are not the old tech type that would auto cycle at the same rate all the time throughout the day. These aren’t even the old type that had sensors in the road that I always had a hard time setting off when I was riding my bicycle and sometimes couldn’t even set off with my motorcycle. These intersections have all had the new camera sensors put on them that are supposed to time the lights in a more efficient manner. These high priced units were paid for with all important taxpayer dollars and should be serving those taxpayers in a more appreciative manner. So why are they so cruel?
If my wife is correct, and there is no implant that triggers these lights against me, then someone somewhere is programming these lights to do this on purpose. Why oh why would anyone do this to another individual? Is this a control issue? Is there an effort to enforce a behavior? Are we being conditioned to being controlled? I would certainly hope not but it makes me wonder.
I mean in the olden days of the original gas crunch, creating synchronized traffic lights was a priority. There were some sections where you could travel for miles without even having to lightly lifting throttle to make the light.
One town I know of with the main street sporting 8 traffic light intersections per mile was still able to synchronize the lights to allow nonstop travel at 22.5 mph. This was only hard on those drivers that didn’t know the secret and would speed up then slow down then speed up then stop then speed up and so on for each light. This secret speed must have been too much of a good thing because they came along and messed it all up by changing the sync. They were able to take a 10 minute cross town drive and extend it to 25. I would still like to ring the neck of whoever was responsible for that one. Ogden, Utah you disappoint me. Last time I was there they were reducing the lane count from three to two and installing islands in the most congested part of town. Does no one understand productivity and efficiency anymore?
In fact, that is what this really comes down to, making life easier by making us more productive. When we are able to do more with less, we can get more done with what we have. Seems simple enough but for some reason most government agencies don’t get it. The Departments of Transportation for most states are seldom there to make things easier, and by their actions they prove that they are apt to try to control our efforts than expand our abilities.
So if there is no implant, and this is a deliberate effort for control on our government, then let us remind them that they are there to serve us. This is supposed to be a government of the people, by the people and for the people and they should be doing everything in their power to make our lives less encumbered. This means taking down obstacles and impediments, not finding new ways of adding speed bumps or doing things that bring us to a screeching halt. We need progress, not interference.
And in this time of economic uncertainty we need it more than ever.
This is Ed Nef with a view from the Farr West.
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